All right, so this is most certainly not my birth plan, nor anything like my ideal birth, but I still thought it was funny, at least for the most part. At least she has a pretty good chance of getting exactly what she wants!
Go read it, and then come back.
Finished? Okay, read on.
So, you probably understand what parts I didn’t like, or weren’t my ideal. Some parts, indeed, made me cringe. Or a little sad. Like the part in which she decided not to breastfeed seemingly because her mom had not successfully breastfed her. As if the inability to breastfeed were genetic, handed down from generation to generation. So not true! If that were the case, nonbreastfeeding genes would have died out centuries ago due to babies born to such women dying of starvation, and being unable to pass on their genes. In fact, her mother’s difficulties or inability to nurse was more likely caused by her trying to breastfeed her baby as if she were bottlefeeding her.
But one funny part that I totally agreed with is that of nurses protecting the laboring woman’s space from her family and especially her mom, if need be. My mom was kinda like that when my sister was in labor with the first grandbaby. The nurse kicked her out, and my mom was mad at the nurse. My sister told me (I’m assuming she also eventually told my mom, but I’m not 100% sure on this one) that she had told the nurse to make everybody leave. Better to have the grandmother mad at the nurse than the mom — labor rooms are no place for family squabbles!
I’ve heard of one woman choosing a hospital birth for the primary reason of having people in white coats (authority figures) being able to tell her mom (or other family members) to get out and stay out. She didn’t think a midwife at home would be able to do the same. After all, kicking your mom out of your own house just sounds tricky.
But I have an alternative to suggest — don’t tell anybody that you’re in labor if you don’t want them to show up! Seriously. If the person is going to be that bad and that annoying, just leave them out of the loop until it’s too late for them to interfere.
Of course, the best-laid plans of mice and men… Somebody I know had her mother-in-law crash the birth of one of her children. The laboring mother wanted her sister to be there so she could witness labor and birth, and wasn’t even going to tell the mother-in-law she was going into labor, but something happened, like her water broke while they were at the in-laws’ house, so it was impossible to hide it. Anyway, this hospital had a limit on the number of people who could be in the room during birth, and the mother-in-law made it one too many. But of course she wouldn’t go, and insisted that the sister leave instead. The husband was too wimpy to kick his mom out (and I think it was really his job, since he was her nearest relation), and the nurses — recognizing that the sister was wanted and the mother-in-law wasn’t — compromised and let the sister stay as the videographer, but she had to stand well out of the way over by the door. It was a sticky situation — telling the baby’s grandmother that she wasn’t wanted, but the baby’s niece was wanted. Perhaps it should have been brought up sometime prior to going into labor. It would have been tough for the man to sit mother down and tell her they didn’t want her to be there, but it could have been done. Phrasing it in some way like, “Christina really isn’t comfortable with having a lot of people in the room while she’s naked, so we’d really prefer it if you’d just stay home and wait for us to call you for when to come and meet the new grandbaby!” After all, who really wants their mother-in-law to see them naked? And then “modesty” becomes “the bad guy” rather than it sounding like “Christina hates you and doesn’t want you to be there.”